No, Not One!
Chapter 5
Getting Started
Was it finally time to tackle my book? It had been two years since I moved from a house to a condo, giving away two-thirds of my Corningware Cornflower collection.
Donating over 400 pieces truly lightened my load. It was incredibly freeing for me and a wonderful contribution to a local Christian thrift shop that instilled the love of Jesus in everyone. Those pieces have already lasted for over fifty years. I hope they will continue to serve families for many more years. I want each piece to create memories like the ones I cherish.
It would take a two-day drive for me to reach my destination and my new life. It was a bittersweet time. My son drove my car as I cried the whole way. Oh, how I now see Lot’s wife and recognize the dangers of looking back.
When God delivers you, there is no need to look back. Accept that God knows the beginning from the end, and trust that He has a plan for you.
My condo was in a sufficiently quiet area. I had ample time to gaze out over God’s marvelous craftsmanship. What a view! As I settled in, I stored my remaining Corningware pieces to keep them safe. I closed the doors and walked away.
I didn’t expect it would be a year and a half before I returned for them. I intended to go through them in about a month, once I settled in and unpacked. But then distractions arose, one after another. I lost track of time. It wasn’t intentional. It never is. Such is life.
As I sifted through the dusty boxes filled with binders and scraps of paper on which I had scribbled my research notes, it felt like I was seeing some of it for the first time. I was slightly impressed by how far I had come. I would need to spend days familiarizing myself with where I had left off and figuring out what I still wanted to pursue.
I knew that everyone interested in Corningware would love my book. They would learn about the pieces and be able to determine for themselves which ones were valuable. Then, there were all the matching accessories.
The children’s playsets truly evoked that warm, fuzzy feeling in me. When I looked at those sets, still in the box, it felt like I was revisiting the Sears & Roebuck Christmas catalog once more.
I would circle the items I hoped to receive that Christmas. Every year, everyone I knew couldn’t wait for that book to arrive in the mail. Back then, that was a child’s kickoff to the Christmas holiday season. How I missed that feeling! Simpler times. Good times. Simpler times.
Back in the day, toys were placed on layaway and paid off before the holiday, rather than being charged to a credit card where they could accrue interest for years. Gifts were for special occasions only, not everyday occurrences. I believe that made you appreciate whatever you received so much more. Handmade gifts were cherished.
I knew I had to return to my childlike faith. Separating from the life of compromise into which I had slowly backslidden would be painful. Pulling myself out would take time. (Did I mention that it would hurt in ways I hadn’t imagined?)
Those who have been graced by all the sins the world has to offer may relate. Putting down one sin is hard enough. I had spent too long shopping in the world of sin, accumulating a whole list of sins I now had to try to return. This would hurt on many levels. But I knew if I could discipline myself enough, it would be well worth it. Anyone who has struggled to overcome something knows that the greater the struggle, the greater the reward.
Living alone, I knew there could be no more excuses. The only person I could blame if I didn’t follow through would be myself. That thought comforted and terrified me at the same time!
The cost of eating what was convenient or available at the time really affected my health. I had so many changes to make that I didn’t know where to begin. There were numerous conflicting stories: no fat, low fat, full fat, bad fat, good fat. My trips to the grocery store would take hours as I searched for this brand and that term.
I needed recipes to cook my own food every meal, every day. The sink was constantly filled with dishes, and I still had so much reading to do. It was overwhelming and exhausting. How was I ever going to figure it all out? This led to procrastination- and anxiety—lots of it.
My stress level increased with every trip. Eventually, I began discovering all sorts of healthy foods, cleaners, and toiletries. You name it; it’s out there somewhere. Some are good, and some are not so good. Therefore, I started writing it all down in a journal so I wouldn’t forget. It serves as a handy reference, much like my Corningware book. See, I must be heading in the right direction. I was making progress. I was getting healthy.
I had sold my soul to the world, and it was time to reclaim it. It was time to gather all the shattered pieces from the floor and place them on the table. I would lay all my physical pains and mental heartaches, my social struggles and my spiritual failures before God and seek forgiveness. I had to repent before I could move forward. It was humbling. I still tear up when I think about it. God is so good.
Owning my mistakes was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Repenting done right hurts. Did I really think God wasn’t already aware of the terrible things I had done or failed to do? He knew. God sees everything! He simply needed me to take a good look at myself.
Only then could He show me the plans He had for me.
No, Not One!
Chapter 6
My Past Was My "Present"
Over the past year, I’ve spent a lot of time with Jesus- talking, crying, complaining. So much so that I had to stop, take a deep breath, and just be. Kneeling on the floor, I was at a loss for words. I felt empty. It was so quiet.
That was when I heard that familiar still small voice deep inside me saying, Stop searching. I am here. I’ve always been right here. I love you. We will spend eternity together. You will see that I AM = ENOUGH.
I liked the sound of that. Eternity equals home. I was home. I had spent my life searching for that feeling. It turns out I was looking in all the wrong places. It was right where I left it. Who knew?
This March 18 will mark my fifty-eighth birthday. Much like the Jews traveling in the wilderness, I will have been going around in circles for forty years.
Scholars estimate that the wilderness journey from Mount Sinai to Canaan would take about eleven days. However, because they rebelled by refusing to enter out of fear of the giants, the consequence was that they would die off during the journey. Only two out of approximately 2 million men would enter the Promised Land. How tragic!
As my faith grew, God began to reveal how He had been orchestrating events in my life. Every experience was like a stepping stone, each having its own purpose, especially the painful ones. Together, they shaped who I am today and enabled me to glorify God.
I could almost feel Him take my hand, urging me to remember to walk with Him. Do not lead. Do not follow. It would be best for us to take every step together. Walk at His pace. Don’t linger. No more distractions. No more compromises. Do you want to do this? Then we will face these giants of yours together.
I remember, as a child in Bible School, singing songs about putting on the armor of God. Surprisingly, I can still recall parts of them. Not bad, considering that nowadays I often forget where I left my phone or keys. I am also quite skilled at entering a room more than fifty times a day, still unaware of the reason why.
In the NKJV Ephesians 6:10-20 says, “The Armor of God: Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak."
Something shifts when you make a mindful effort to walk with God each day, in every way, praying for His will to be done in your life. You can truly feel His guidance and protection. Fear begins to dissipate. You possess His ability to move faster yet more efficiently than you ever thought possible.
At other times, He slows you down just enough to stop and smell the flowers and feel the sun on your face. You catch a glimpse of His peace that surpasses all understanding. This occurs when you shift your focus from yourself to God. I believe the more you humble yourself, the smaller you become and the greater God becomes. When you decrease, He increases. This shifts our perspective, allowing us to appreciate the vast beauty this life has to offer. Often, we overlook this because we are distracted by life's pressures.
I knew I would still get hurt like before, but this time I understood that things would be different. Previously, I had been living my life for myself first. Now, I would be living for Him first, and that made all the difference in the world. It allowed me to step out in faith, with the destination being God’s will.
Faith is a noun, much like a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Faith is also a verb. It demands action, stepping into the unknown and trusting that God is guiding your steps. It brought comfort to know God was with me.
I took a deep breath with only a few days left to decide, and I contacted a friend and mentor from church, Tammy. She had reached out to me a few days earlier because she hadn’t heard from me in a while. What a blessing it always is for everyone involved when you take time out of your day to check in on others! That makes God smile.
In a few short sentences, I mentioned that I needed help finishing a book I was working on. I asked if she knew anyone who had done something like that before. I put it out there, not expecting the response I would receive. It turns out she would be the first and only person I needed to contact.
I had obeyed, and God had blessed me for it. This would become the new pattern in my life. That one text set everything in motion. What God had been doing for me behind the scenes would unfold rapidly. I would hardly be able to keep up.
Tammy had a friend with whom she graduated from Bible college. Amy was an accomplished author who was working on her third book. She was willing to speak with me.
I was completely shocked. I contacted her right now. We spoke the next day. Talk about divine appointments! Amen.
