No, Not One!

Friendship Done Right... Is Dirty.

          Let’s start with you. Friendship takes two. It is not one-sided. A friend is not truly your friend unless they are willing to step down into your mess and sit with you. Some things take time. Consider how long it took you to create the mess in the first place.

          Where is the best place to start? Step One needs to begin with a commitment to action. So pray! Make your requests known to God. Ask Him to intervene in every situation.   It’s not your job to pull them out of their pit, just as it’s not their job to pull you out of yours. That’s God’s job, and He will accomplish it in His time. Let God do the heavy lifting. In some cases, God may provide others to help with the lifting.

          Luke 5 18-25 says, “Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, ‘Friend, your sins are forgiven.’ The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, ‘Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?’ Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, ‘Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, “Your sins are forgiven,” or to say, “Get up and walk”? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.’ So he said to the paralyzed man, ‘I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.’ Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God.”

          The difference between friends and acquaintances lies in the depth of your love for each other. You may interact with people on a professional level whom you would not associate with outside of work. These individuals only represent a surface-level connection. You might think you know them because you see them in one aspect of their life. These individuals are acquaintances. People react differently depending on their comfort level in that area.

          The more time you spend with someone, the more you learn about their likes, dislikes, ideals, hopes, and dreams. This requires a deeper level of love, trust, and respect. These are the people you call when you have a bad day or need help with something.

          Then there are those people or groups who know you better than you know yourself. They genuinely care for you on an unconditional love level. They look out for you. If someone pushes you, they stand up. This is true friendship. Such friendships can be rare because they are absolutely priceless. This kind of friendship requires sacrifice at any time of the day or night, sometimes at a moment’s notice.

          Indeed, the paralyzed man was wealthy. He may not have been blessed with money or health, but he received a double blessing of friendship. I don’t care what you think. Anyone who cares enough about you to lay you at the feet of Jesus loves you with the love of Jesus. They climbed a roof, tore through it, and held his weight as he was lowered to safety. Well done!

          There are two additional points to note here. One is that it says Jesus saw their faith. The man was healed because of the faith of his friends. Just let that sink in. I’m speechless. (And we all know that doesn’t happen often!)

          The second is that when Jesus says to the Pharisees, ‘Why are you thinking these things in your heart?’” that was a loaded question. Remember, when you start to rebuke your sin, sometimes your friends may feel rebuked too. That’s normal. All sin is dark. Jesus is light. When you accept Jesus and the Holy Spirit enters you, His light shines through your cracks, exposing the darkness in the people around you. This can be scary for people who weren’t expecting to see this change in you.

The Bible clearly states that three specific things should be done in secret in Matthew 6 of the NKJV.

          1. Matthew 6:4 says, “…that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” (Give in secret)

          2. Matthew 6:6 says, “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”(Pray in secret)

          3. Matthew 6:18 says, “…so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Fast in secret)

The Bible is very clear when it says that the light cannot exist with the dark. 

          2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

          Why would the Bible instruct you to perform these three actions in secret? Because God loves you, and He knows that:

When you give, you defeat greed. This requires sharing and sacrifice. A worldly reaction is to hoard everything for yourself, whether you need that much or not, because “it’s mine, mine, all mine!”

When you pray, you defeat pride. People say they don’t pray because they claim they lack the time. They don’t pray because they lack the faith to believe it will make a real difference. If you thought that God cared enough about you to grant your heart’s desires, you would drop to your knees over a hangnail.

When you fast, you defeat lust by subjecting your flesh into submission. You are telling your flesh, no, you can’t have that sinful pleasure anymore because Jesus in the form of the Holy Spirit lives inside of me now.

          People often believe that when they sin in secret, it stays hidden. This isn’t true. Someone always finds out. Half the people in the neighborhood probably know. Moreover, God knows, and that should be enough. By the way, the devil also knows. He uses our sin to mock God every time we disobey.

          You see, you can’t give, pray, and fast in secret while still harboring greed, lust, and pride in your heart because light cannot coexist with darkness in the same space.

          When you pray, give, and fast, you experience JOY: Jesus Over You.

          People who know you to be a Christian and walking with Jesus should be surprised when they see you participating in sinful acts or hear you speaking in a way that dishonors God. If they care about you, they will confront you. Please don’t take this confrontation as an offense. Often, things aren’t received with the love that they were intended.

          Of course, there’s always that one person you should not befriend. The narcissist will use and abuse you. Your kindness will be turned into weakness, and they will demean you into submission then guilt you into staying. Run from these relationships. Focus on yourself and allow God to handle them. Once you have improved yourself, you can share your testimony with them if you still feel compelled. However, God will likely send someone stronger than you to address the situation. A lesson may be unfolding here.           Don’t obstruct God’s plan. Bow out and let God handle the situation.

Perhaps someone needs to spend a little more time wallowing in their pit of sin and despair to ensure they truly want out. Do you think God doesn’t know they are there? He didn’t forget. He may use you, but He doesn’t need your help. He’s got this!

          Your role is to come alongside others. There’s a significant difference between assisting and fixing. Remember that God is in control. Play your position. Pray for them often and let them know. At times, words can obstruct understanding. Seek direction in prayer and then let God lead you.

          Take time to get to know an individual. Fellowship regularly. If you notice something out of character, you can gently bring it to light with grace. Your comments should uplift, not tear down. Watch your tongue.

          Please remember that this goes both ways. If someone is truly your friend and they care about you, there may come a time when they need to check you. Do not be offended. That’s true friendship. That’s love. Welcome it. Grow. If you’re not growing every day, you are backsliding. Strive for greatness.

          I’m not sure if trouble followed me or if I chased after it, but I certainly seemed to get into my fair share. That’s why we need fellowship so that we can stay connected. My friend, Kathleen, I have no idea how she does it. I enter the room, and she sees right through whatever face I have on. Upon arriving in a strange place, her willingness to provide guidance on over 100 different topics is greatly appreciated. I thank God for putting her in my path. I still try to meet her by the pool as much as possible.

          Being about a decade older, she possessed a wealth of knowledge that truly amazed me. I must admit, I never thought I would see the day when I would use a combination of frankincense and myrrh for muscle cramps on my legs at night or wear a castor oil pack to detox my liver, but hey, it works. What works for me may not be what works for you, even if we have the same problem.

          Not all alcoholics drink because they enjoy it or don’t want to stop. That is a stereotype. Alcoholics drink for various reasons. Some drink to numb their feelings of pain, guilt, shame, anxiety, and depression. They have been misled into thinking their solution lies within the bottle, but the true solution lies within themselves. Call on Jesus. The road won’t be easy, but He has walked that path thousands of times with others. He knows the way.

          Of course, there are still some people who aren’t sure yet if they really want to be pulled out of their pit of sin. They may say they do, but actions speak louder than words. They could still be enjoying it too much. They may come partly out and then dive back in deeper. You could hurt them if you pull too hard while they are still stuck between wanting to leave and wanting to stay. Prayer always “loosens things up.”

          Be especially cautious of those who resist being pulled out of their pit. They may prefer to stay there permanently. Remember, misery loves company. If you get too close, they may try to pull you in before you realize it.

          God is the only one who can see the end from the beginning. So, only He knows how to help them.