No, Not One!

Negativity and Forgiveness

     The people you choose to surround yourself with can either uplift your spirit or bring you down. We all understand this on some level. 

     I'll confess that I had to look up the definition of this concept after moving and meeting Kathleen. After exchanging life stories by the pool for months, one day she casually remarked, “You know you’ve been surrounded by narcissists your whole life, right? You attract them. They can smell you coming from a mile away. They view your kindness as a weakness. They observe you. They ask targeted questions, and you provide too much information. Then they learn how to manipulate you into doing what they want, which benefits them, not you. You have the right to say no.” 

     Then silence. I was taken aback. I felt as though she wasn't embodying Christian values. So, I took the opportunity to discuss it with my pastor. To my surprise, he agreed with her perspective! As I shared my past experiences, I noticed a hint of surprise in his expression when his eyebrow lifted slightly.      Before I knew it, just about ten minutes into our chat, he offered me some straightforward advice: “Just say no.”

     He looked a bit confused, as if wondering why I didn’t already know that.

At his request, I spent the next six months attending church events, observing how families interacted with each other, and engaging with all the younger mothers to hear what they had to say. It seems those youngsters were schooling me! 

     Compassion is a gift. It is also a fruit of the Spirit. I have found that sometimes in life, you are hurt so deeply, often repeatedly, that you become hypersensitive to others’ needs and pain. This sensitivity enables you to prioritize their needs above your own. However, this is not healthy- for either of you.

     If this strikes a chord, you may observe a consistent pattern in your relationships - whether with friends, romantic partners, bosses, family, or even your children. They can influence various aspects of your life. Be wary; you are granting them control over your existence. Only God truly deserves that power. No one else should wield such authority. 

     Maintaining balance is essential. After you've exhausted your resources, narcissists will still try to deplete your energy, leading you into a challenging codependent relationship. Escaping these circumstances can be quite difficult.

When someone keeps trying to make you feel guilty about doing something for them, it’s a sign that something's not quite right. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to spend time with people you feel bring value to your life! 

     As a Christian, surrounding yourself with individuals who inspire you to deepen your faith is so important! Seek out uplifting companions who can help you learn and grow. Together, you can form a wonderful circle of like-minded friends who uplift each other. 

     It's great to have at least two trustworthy accountability partners from that group. These individuals are those you can confide in and who understand you well enough to gently nudge you back on track if you start to stray. Avoid revealing your most personal struggles right away, as that can make you vulnerable. They don’t need to know every detail of your life. Building trust takes time. 

     Choosing these individuals requires careful consideration. Spend enough time assessing them thoroughly, as part of the interview process. Only those you can genuinely count on should fill this crucial role in your life. If you have doubts about their willingness to support you during challenging times, it's absolutely fine to maintain the friendship but look for someone more suitable.           Keep in mind that the guidance you select can influence your life, making it vital to make an informed decision. Your accountability partners should be grounded in biblical principles and dedicated prayer warriors who will stand by you.

     As for the takers, they are the ones you serve occasionally. These are your acquaintances. They do not belong to your core group.

     Every experience has its own season. There's a time to share and a time to step back. If you find yourself giving and someone suggests you could do better, maybe they have a point! Remember, it's important not to overextend yourself. You are enough just as you are. If someone isn't appreciating your efforts, it might be time to step away and let someone else meet their needs. 

     Hold on to what you offer for those who truly value it! I was genuinely taken aback when I examined the behavioral patterns of narcissists. This insight is truly valuable! This is what Google AI Overview has to say about a narcissist:

“Behavioral Patterns:

• Arrogance and a Superior Attitude: They often act as if they are better than others, displaying a sense of superiority and disdain for      those they perceive as inferior. 
• Bragging and Exaggeration: They frequently boast about their accomplishments and possessions, often exaggerating their talents and achievements to impress others. 
• Difficulty Maintaining Long-Term Relationships: Due to their lack of empathy and manipulative behaviors, they often struggle to form and maintain healthy, lasting relationships. 
• Manipulation and Gaslighting: They may use manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting (denying or minimizing the reality of events), to control others and maintain their sense of superiority. 
• Rage and Outbursts: When challenged or criticized, they may react with rage or anger, often becoming defensive or blaming others. 
• Difficulty Accepting Criticism: They are highly sensitive to criticism and may react defensively or aggressively when confronted with negative feedback. 
• Inability to Take Responsibility: They often avoid taking responsibility for their actions, instead of blaming others or external factors. 
• Lack of Genuine Intimacy: While they may appear charming and outgoing, they often struggle to form genuine, intimate connections with others. 
• Obsession with Power, Beauty, or Success: They may become      fixated on these things, often prioritizing them over other aspects of      their lives.”

     The idea that there is someone for everyone is true for both friendships and marriage. Our social relationships are crucial; they can influence our development even more than our parents do. The company you keep shapes who you are. Non-Christians can only be acquaintances until God opens their eyes, just as He did for you. Therefore, it is advisable not to socialize with, date, or marry them. Being equally yoked means you're both moving in the same direction; if you’re not, the disparity leads to painful division. No one wants that.

     Don’t stress; there are numerous ways you can help them that, in God’s timing, will lead to change. Please don’t fall for the devil’s falsehoods suggesting you can remove the scales on your own. You are not God; only He can accomplish that.

     You should actively connect with non-believers to share your experiences with Jesus. Discuss your personal relationship with Him and how it has transformed your life. This is your testimony. The moment someone is baptized because of your introduction to Christ will forever change both of your lives. This holds great power. The devil hates that. Expect repercussions from spiritual warfare. Prepare for it. Reject it. 

     Motivate others to join church services. Keep them in your prayers and thoughts. Jot down their names on a sticky note and place it on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, and front door as a reminder. The greatest support comes from Jesus.

     Keep in mind that God emphasizes the importance of being equally yoked. Meeting someone at church doesn’t automatically make them a Christian. Just as wolves disguise themselves in sheep’s clothing, they can target unsuspecting Christians. Wolves prey where Christians pray. This warning applies to both men and women. 

     Only God truly knows the intentions of our hearts! I'm absolutely convinced that the saying, “you will be surprised who you see in heaven and who you don’t,” is completely true. I knew a pastor who would always say, “God loves a battered Bible. It shows that it has been taken into battle. It reveals who will truly leads you. Every pen stroke is part of your personal love letter to God Himself.”

     Words hold significant power. Yelling, cursing, demeaning remarks, and threats all represent forms of bullying and abuse. Such negative behaviors are unacceptable to God. When expressed frequently, these words can manifest in both positive and negative ways. It is essential to counteract this harmful force with worship and praise to God. 

     Being honest about our feelings is essential, and we must convey the truth with compassion. There's no need for harshness. We can express our concerns gently, shielding ourselves and others from negativity. The way we communicate greatly influences how our messages are understood; it’s not just our word selections but also how those words are perceived. Let's make a promise to communicate with kindness and empathy!

     All people deserve to be treated with respect. Mental and physical abuse is not what God desires for you. Consider it a deal breaker- because it truly is. Remember, our words reflect the state of our hearts. A Christian man fears disappointing God above all else, and that’s the kind of partner you should seek.

     If you find yourself in an abusive situation, please do not hold God responsible. You are a Child of God and should fully accept that identity. This circumstance arises from your choices, not His will. Recognize that the Ten Commandments are intended to provide you with protection. 

     Anger and abusive behavior indicate a superficial relationship with God and an absence of righteous fear about the repercussions of hell. Such actions reflect pride and arrogance, traits that do not embody God's nature. Their conflict is not with you but with God. Offer prayers for them. There are resources at your disposal to assist you in breaking free. 

     You are deserving of love, and God desires to bestow it upon you. Focus on your personal growth; you truly deserve it. Free yourself. Seek help when needed. Once you've found stability, ask God to bring someone special into your life. Until then, refrain from searching, as you may not truly know what’s best for you despite believing otherwise. 

     Marriage requires dedication and selflessness: providing support and granting forgiveness. There's no need to direct one another; that’s God's responsibility. If you feel there's injustice, place that individual in God's hands through prayer. Remember, God knows all.

     I have faith that God will direct someone to you if you sincerely seek His help in finding a partner. Not everyone has the desire to marry; some people may not feel that wish from an early age, others may find the idea unappealing due to past experiences or choose celibacy for spiritual reasons.      This is beautiful! Spending time alone with the Lord allows you to fully embrace the role of the Bride of Christ. That blessing is beyond my comprehension! I can only imagine how amazing it must be!

     Marriage God’s way works. Specific rules must be followed; they are not guidelines but requirements. One Man + One Woman + One God = Success. My grandmother used to say that if you put the other person first and they put you first, neither of you will ever feel last. You will both always feel special. Of course, this does not apply to God. He must come first in everyone’s life- no exceptions. Putting anyone or anything before God is a grave mistake. 

     Taking care of both our body and mind is vital for overcoming life's challenges. Why not join forces to make 2025 a year filled with growth in both these areas? Let’s go back to the basics together. It's so important for us to consciously prioritize our health and the health of those we care about.      With new diseases and treatments popping up all the time, being thoughtful about our food choices is more crucial than ever. That junk food we enjoy can accumulate over time, impacting our mood and overall well-being.

     Sifting through nutritional information can be daunting. There are numerous opinions on the subject. I’ll list some of my favorite links in Appendix A. Let me know what you think.